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First Years Last Forever
by the Shelton School Readiness Council
Peaceful Parenting
Parenting is a challenging job that requires a lot of skills and patience. As you know, a young child can exhibit a range of behaviors, from being a delight one minute and to talking back the next moment. Without strategies to handle difficult behaviors, your job as a parent can be quite frustrating.
Some parents respond by yelling yet wish they could find a way to stop. There are many strategies you can use. Try these 10 alternatives to raised voices and see which tactics work best for your personal style. For more ideas check the local library's collection for books and dvds with tips and suggestions on children and parenting.
This monthly educational column is provided as a public service by the Shelton School Readiness Council and will provide parents with helpful techniques to foster peaceful parenting. Best of luck!
Know your child's needs. Create successful situations for you and your child by considering his or her needs and doing some advance planning. For example, you will have a better trip to the grocery store if you venture out when your child is rested and fed.
Watch for warning signs. Pay attention to how you feel just before you become angry. Think of ways you can calm down, like breathing deeply or walking away for a few minutes.
Ask effectively. When you want your child to do something, kneel down to his level. Look into his eyes, touch him or her gently, and clearly state what you want.
Don't just say "no." Instead of simply saying no to your child's request to do something, tell him or her when they will be allowed to do the activity.
Rethink your child's traits. Your child probably has characteristics
you wish you could change. Try giving new names to undesirable traits. For
example, a child who never gives up when he wants something should be
complimented as "persistent," "determined," and "dedicated" instead of
"demanding."
Have fun. Consider using humor to entice your child to cooperate.
Pretend play can also engage a resistant child. If your child is unwilling to go out
on an errand, imagine that you are characters on an important mission!
Resolve conflicts step-by-step. Conflict resolution skills can bring peace to times of tension. Recognize that you are angry and respond by talking and listening in a calm manner. Brainstorm solutions together.
Remember to count to three. The next time your child whines, throws a tantrum, or behaves in a way you want to stop, consider using the "1-2-3" system described by child discipline expert Thomas Phelan in his book 1-2-3 Magic.
Emphasize problem solving. When you feel like yelling, view whatever is upsetting you as a chance to solve a problem. Invite your child to suggest ways to remedy the situation.
Get a fresh start. All parents make mistakes from time to time. If you catch yourself exploding, take the time to rewind. It's okay to say, "Oops! I didn't mean that. Let's start over." Your child might even pick up on the trick and use it, too. Apologizing can help heal the relationship and give both of you a fresh start!
For more information about the Shelton School Readiness Council, please call Elspeth Lydon, Chair of the Council, at 924-1580 or Cara Mocarski, Shelton School Readiness Coordinator, at 929-1430. Also visit the website www.sheltonpublicschools.org and our booth at Shelton Day on Sunday, October 4.
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